


Bombshell

by Dee_Moyza



Category: Final Fantasy VIII
Genre: Gen, Humorous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-10-26 15:55:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17748902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dee_Moyza/pseuds/Dee_Moyza
Summary: When SeeD uncovers an assassination plot while on a mission as security detail, Xu calls upon Irvine to help them out. Irvine's assignment: seduce the suspect to facilitate arrest. His reputation and a SeeD mission on the line, can Irvine live up to his claims of being a "ladies' man?" Post-game, one-shot.





	Bombshell

_(Disclaimer: As a work of fanfiction, the creation of this piece does not imply ownership of the Final Fantasy franchise, its characters, or any affiliated intellectual property.)_

* * *

Selphie set down her wrench and scratched her nose, realizing too late that her hand was covered in grease. Oh, well. That's what showers were for, right? She leaned close to inspect the inner workings of the airship, making sure she had tightened every nut and screw, making sure everything looked in order. Outside of the occasional mission, flying and maintaining Balamb Garden's two airships had become Selphie's official job.

And she loved it.

She had been heartbroken when, after the dust of Time Compression had settled, Esthar reclaimed the Ragnarok. She appealed to Laguna, trying her best to act sweet and look super cute. She told him how important the Ragnarok had become to all of them, how many of their memories were attached to it –  _memories that were in jeopardy from GF usage_ , she added – and how she had found her calling as a pilot and mechanic.

Laguna didn't budge.

Selphie blamed Kiros.

Esthar did offer, however, as partial payment for completing the mission to defeat Ultimecia, two of its older airships. Selphie was doubtful of their quality at first, but the Esthar technicians that trained her and a handful of other SeeDs in the airships' operation and maintenance assured her that both ships were in excellent condition.

They were right, and soon Selphie became more attached to these ships than she had been to the Ragnarok. She even gave them nicknames – Mach Chocobo and MogMog, in honor of the intramural teams back at Trabia Garden – which irritated both Xu and Squall. No matter. She'd never had a pet, but the way she cared about these airships, she figured she understood the feeling. It kind of bordered on love.

She was replacing the outer panel when the sound of the hangar doors opening startled her. She watched as the other airship, which had been on a mission to Deling City, glided into the hangar and landed. The hatch opened, the ramp extended, and Xu walked out.

"What are you doing, Tilmitt?" she asked.

"Just some routine PM on Mog – er, BG-2," Selphie answered. Remembering who she was speaking to, Selphie scrambled to her feet and saluted.

Xu did not return the salute, and stood there frowning. When Selphie asked what was wrong, Xu nodded, as if coming to a decision. "There have been some developments in Deling City."

"Developments? Are Zell and Quisty all right?"

"They're fine. But we've received information that we will need to act on, quickly." Xu glanced at Selphie's greasy hands and dingy coveralls. "Get cleaned up and meet me in the second-floor conference room in fifteen minutes. You're going on assignment."

* * *

Irvine lay across the bench just outside the library, reading a recent issue of  _Weapons Monthly_  and wondering how he might procure the necessary items for the latest firearm upgrade. He hadn't seen Selphie since this morning, and then that sighting had been brief. Selphie had gulped down her breakfast, hardly taking the time to chew her food, then departed for the hangar to work on one of the airships. She had become enamored of those contraptions, to the point that Irvine was starting to get a little jealous.

He looked away from his magazine every now and then to nod in greeting at passing students. When a young female SeeD stopped in front of him, he sat up slowly and smiled, then offered her a seat on the bench. The SeeD shook her head.

"You're Kinneas, right?" she asked.

"Please, there's no need for such formality," said Irvine. "You can call me Irvine. Or Irvy. Or, depending on how this conversation goes,  _yours_."

"Ugh. I didn't come to flirt with you, Kinneas. Xu sent me. She requests your presence in the second-floor conference room." The SeeD didn't wait for him to rise, and he caught up with her at the elevator.

"Uh, did Xu say  _why_  she wanted to see me?" Irvine searched his memory for anything he might have done to anger Xu, and he came up empty. He'd behaved relatively well for the past few months. Sure, he might've been a little flirty with the girls, but nothing ever came of that, and none of them had complained. In fact, they'd all laughed; Irvine was beginning to fear that he came across less as a devastating Lothario and more as a walking joke.

"No." The SeeD's reply shook Irvine from his thoughts. "She must have some use for you, though. She's setting up a mission in there."

Xu acknowledged Irvine's arrival with a short nod and resumed her mission briefing. Selphie sat at one end of the conference table, a faint trail of grease across her cheek; Squall sat at the other end, taking notes and drawing complex diagrams; and, on the monitor on the wall, Irvine could see Zell and Quistis, connected from their base in Deling City via a secure video feed.

"Now that Kinneas has arrived," Xu said, "we can get down to the details. Seventy-two hours ago, SeeD entered into a contract with the Dollet Dukedom to provide security detail for Grand Duke Ederell during his visit to Galbadia. Upon the discovery of an assassination plot targeting the Grand Duke, SeeD apprehended and interrogated all but one member of the group responsible for its development. Routine interrogation yielded details about that plot and the identity of the remaining terrorist.

"The terrorist group, a loose coalition of Galbadian nationalists who oppose the sanctions levied against them and the reparations requested by Dollet, has planted a bomb near the Grand Duke's apartment in the guest house on the Galbadian Presidential Compound. Obviously, this presents a security concern not only for Ederell, but also for any other officials attending the trade conference in Deling City. The Galbadian president has been consequently removed to a secure and undisclosed location, with the people being told he is at his country estate. Our mission then, involves several components.

"One, we must invent a pretext for Ederell's removal from the presidential compound and deliver him to a secure location. Two, we must monitor the surveillance cameras from the compound for signs of the terrorist, who may have infiltrated the compound's staff. Three, we must locate and defuse the explosive device, which, according to our sources, is set to detonate at 2100 hours tonight, Deling City time. And four, we must apprehend the remaining suspect. Is that clear?"

The gathered SeeDs murmured in agreement.

"Assignments," Xu continued. "Ederell's removal and surveillance of the presidential compound will be handled by Dincht and Trepe, as Ederell's appointed security detail. Once Ederell is secure, Dincht will remain on the premises and work with Galbadian authorities to monitor the compound and determine the location of the device. Trepe will return to the Galbadia Hotel to prepare for the suspect's apprehension. Leonhart will join her, and direct the operation from there.

"Tilmitt and Cornelius –" Xu gestured toward the young SeeD "—will neutralize the threat to the compound. Once the explosive device is located, Tilmitt will attempt to defuse the device while Cornelius provides armed support. Understood?"

The SeeDs nodded. Irvine frowned.

"Hey, hey, hey," he said. "What about me? I'm not even a SeeD! Why'd you call me up here?"

"I'm getting to that, Kinneas. Now, be quiet." Xu cleared her throat. "From the interrogation of the other suspects, we have learned that the remaining suspect's name is Orinda Grady. Twenty-four years old, Galbadian. She has a lengthy record with Galbadian authorities, but on charges such as civil disobedience and disturbing the peace. Nothing violent until now." Xu typed something into her computer, and a picture of an attractive blond woman appeared on the monitor. Irvine sat up straight and whistled.

"Wowee," he said, "she's a looker!"

"I'm very glad you feel that way, Kinneas, because she's your objective."

"Uh … come again?"

"While Tilmitt defuses the bomb, you will assist in apprehending Grady. She's probably already aware that someone is on to her plan, but we cannot assume that she will abandon it. You are to gain her trust, and her favor, and lead her the designated apprehension area."

"And where is that?"

"Room 453 at the Galbadia Hotel."

"What?"

"That room adjoins the one that Dincht and Trepe are currently using as their base. Trepe and Leonhart will be waiting there for your arrival. Trepe will enter as a housekeeper bringing fresh linens, and initiate the arrest. You and Leonhart are to assist if needed."

"So, you want me to sweet-talk this cutie and get her into my room?" Irvine chuckled. "Consider it done! Oh yeah, and Quisty – is Quisty still listening? – you might want to knock before you bring in those towels. Don't want you stumbling upon anything indecent."

An extended groan from the monitor told him Quistis had heard.

Xu smirked. "Kinneas, for the sake of this mission, I truly hope you live up to your reputation, however self-proclaimed it is. All of you, you have a half-hour to prepare before you depart. Good luck."

* * *

Selphie was not used to wearing tactical gear. Usually, she relied on her speed to dodge attacks, and her magic to heal wounds. But neither of those would do her very good in the face of a bomb and, possibly, armed assailants. She adjusted her vest and looked at Cornelius, who had her eyes down and was mumbling something to herself.

"Psyching yourself up, huh?" Selphie asked.

Cornelius nodded.

"I know it's scary, but we'll be just fine. I'm good with mechanical and technical stuff; that's why Xu assigned me to do this!"

"Have you done this before?"

"Eh, a few times. This one'll probably be easy."

"What makes you say that?"

"The people that planted this are total amateurs, and judging from the other guys we caught, none of 'em are geniuses. It's probably a very basic device. The problem is locating it." Selphie sighed, then smiled. "But we've got plenty of time."

"I wish I could be as confident as you are."

"You can! You will! You've just got to get some experience. You're lucky you have time to do that. I was sent on my first mission the morning after the graduation ball, and that turned into a months-long assignment that ended with defeating a crazy sorceress from the future. There's no way I couldn't have confidence after surviving  _that_!"

Cornelius grinned.

"Say, I don't think Xu properly introduced us. I'm Selphie, and I like bright colors, happy music, and Ms. Moogle's cake! What about you?"

"My first name is Feena, and I like the colors of the sunset and sunrise, and I really like the seafood platter they serve at that little restaurant by the harbor in Balamb."

"Pleased to meet you, Feena! I know we'll get along great!" Selphie stopped talking as Zell's voice came through her earpiece.

"Found it," he said. "It's located in the exterior wall behind Ederell's apartment. Galbadian robotics can see it, but it looks like it will need to be defused manually."

"Got it!"

"Be careful, Selphie."

"Of course! Come on, Feena, let's move out!"

* * *

Orinda Grady was even more stunning in person. Irvine watched her descend the stairs to the hotel bar with slinky, feline movements, her curves apparent even under the casual clothes she wore. She tried to look relaxed, no doubt to blend in with the other patrons, to establish an alibi for the moment Ederell's apartment got destroyed.

Irvine would be her alibi any day.

He watched her take a seat at the bar, then grabbed his own drink and sauntered over.

"Well, hello," he said in his most seductive voice. She turned toward him and his breath caught in his throat when he saw what a brilliant shade of green her eyes were. They were even brighter than Selphie's. "May I join you?"

Orinda shrugged. "Do what you like, buddy," she mumbled, then turned back to her drink.

"You know, I couldn't help but notice you when you walked in. You lit up the room! Perhaps you could light up my evening, too?"

"I doubt it."

"Please, give it some thought. It's not right that such a lovely lady as yourself should be alone. It's a crime against nature!"

"Look, I just came down to get a drink and relax a bit."

"Relax? I can certainly help with that."

Orinda gave an exasperated groan. "Listen, little boy, if you don't shut up right now, I'm going to –"

"Little boy?" Irvine leaned back and frowned. "Lady, I am not a  _boy_. And I am most certainly not  _little_."

Orinda lifted an eyebrow. She wasn't seduced, but at least she was interested now. "Oh? And what are you, then? A man? A  _big_ man?"

"Yes, indeedy." Irvine inwardly cringed when he heard that word slip out. He struck a confident pose and hoped she wouldn't notice.

She did. She laughed, then rested her chin on her hand and studied him. "You're totally corny, you know that? Where do you come from? Somewhere out in the sticks, I'll bet."

"Somewhere like that."

"Well, then, that explains it. Those pathetic lines you used might work on little country girls, or your family's livestock, but I'm a cosmopolitan woman, and I have standards. Is this your first time in the city, little man?"

"N-no … I mean, yes. Yes, it sure is. You got me."

Orinda leaned toward Irvine and ran her fingertips along the back of his hand. Goosebumps immediately erupted along his arms and he struggled to keep his breathing even. "You see," Orinda purred, "the thing about the city is that there's a lot of people here. A lot of  _men_ , big and otherwise. And, maybe I'm just a skeptic, but you don't look like one to me."

Irvine gulped. "I can assure you, lady, I most definitely am."

Orinda laughed again, then leaned closer, her lips an inch or two from his ear. "Then prove it," she whispered, her breath hot against his neck. "Prove to me that you're a man."

Her heat and proximity set Irvine's blood aflame, and he could only stammer as he fished through his shirt pockets, and eventually produced his room key. Orinda held up her hand and shook a finger at him.

"Ah-ah-ah. You don't get to skip right to the final exam." She motioned to the bartender and selected a drink, smiling as he poured out a shot. She slid the glass over to Irvine. "Especially if you flunk the midterm. Now, drink up. Drink like a man, and prove me wrong."

Irvine looked at the tiny glass before him. It was filled with a clear liquid that he suspected would burn like a thousand suns when he drank it. He really had very little experience with hard liquor; sure, he'd snuck a few beers now and then when he was younger, and even when he'd come of age, he stuck to the milder stuff in the pubs. He just wanted to get happy and have a good time, not pass out and wake up somewhere completely different. He swallowed hard, his throat suddenly gone dry, and silently hoped for some instruction to come through his earpiece. Some excuse, some trick, anything.

But Squall remained silent on the other end.

Irvine briefly wondered where Selphie was, whether she was okay. She was out there risking her life for this mission, and here he was, afraid of a little drink. He raised his eyes from his glass and looked at Orinda. He looked at her eyes, green and sparkling with amusement; at her pink-flushed lips, so soft and moist; at the way those buttons on her blouse were working overtime to keep her decent, and he grabbed the glass and downed the shot.

Through his earpiece, he heard Squall curse.

* * *

Selphie studied the wires protruding from the device, her features illuminated by the red glow of its countdown timer. She had been right; this was a crude bomb, and disconnecting a single wire would disable it. But which one? She wanted to preserve the integrity of the device for the investigators, and, of course, she didn't want to risk triggering the explosion herself.

Behind her, she could hear Feena pacing, pistol drawn, scanning their surroundings for anyone who might want to interfere with Selphie's work. Selphie finally isolated the wire that would disarm the device and pulled a pair of wire cutters from her vest pocket.

"Well, here goes," she told Feena. "Wish me luck."

Feena stopped walking, and Selphie could swear she had stopped breathing as well, as she grabbed the wire and snipped it with the tool. The timer's display went dark, and the mechanical whirring inside the device ceased. Selphie grinned at Feena over her shoulder.

"See? Too easy!" She picked up the device and delivered it to the Galbadian authorities.

"Great job, Selphie!" Zell said. "You're the best!"

"I know." Selphie removed her earpiece and tactical vest, and noticed Feena hanging back a few paces. "I also had total peace of mind to work with," she added. "Feena was a great guard!"

Feena smiled and thanked her.

"Yeah, too bad neither of you is a guy," Zell said. "You'd have done a lot better at romancing Grady. I just heard from Squall. Irvine's totally botching his part of the mission!"

"What? How? That assignment was right up his alley!"

"His alley isn't lined with liquor shops, though."

Selphie groaned. What had Irvine gotten himself into, now? She snatched the communication device out of Zell's ear. While he cursed at her, she called out to Squall.

"What is it, Selphie? Is the bomb defused?" Squall asked.

"Yeah, that was easy-peasy! But I'm worried about Irvine's part of the mission. Do you have a contingency plan to capture Grady?"

"We're working on that right now."

"Do you think Irvine can keep her interested for about a half-hour longer?"

"Maybe. Do you have a plan?"

"Yeah, but I need to get there, first. Does Quisty have access to the laundry room?"

"She should. If not, we'll get on that right away."

"Great! Have her hang around the lobby. I'll make sure we get Grady!" Selphie handed the earpiece back to Zell, then motioned for Feena to get behind the wheel of Zell's rental car. "Sorry, Zell, we gotta borrow this for a bit! It's an emergency!"

Selphie gave Feena directions to the hotel, then slumped in the backseat and wriggled out of her body armor. She figured that, in the dim light of the bar, she could pass the rest of her outfit off as a chic black ensemble. She instructed Feena to wait outside in case Orinda made a run for it, then entered the hotel.

She nodded to Quistis as she walked through the lobby, and headed down to the bar. She immediately saw Irvine slumped over the bar, mumbling nonsense to a blond woman who kept laughing and sliding more drinks toward him. "Lightweight," Selphie muttered, and approached them.

"So I says, I says to him, you're not so tough," Irvine slurred, in the middle of an incoherent story. "I says, you're no tough, just a big, big Grat! A overbig Grat with funny hair!"

"Fascinating." Orinda giggled and tapped the rim of Irvine's half-finished drink. "Aren't you going to finish this? It is awfully good, and the manliest drink here. Perfect for my big man."

"'Scuse me!" Selphie squeezed in between them and motioned to the bartender. Orinda grunted and began to scold her, but Irvine held up his hand.

"'Salright," he said. "'Salright. This here's Sefie! Ain't she a cutie pie?" He draped his arm around Selphie's shoulder.

Selphie tensed. In his state of compromised judgment, Irvine might reveal her identity, and their cover would be blown. She shoved him away.

"Eww, get off me! Who in the world is Sefie?" She turned back toward the bartender and ordered her drink, a fruity little cocktail with bright red dye sure to stain Orinda's pretty blouse. She picked up her drink, then stepped away from the bar, intentionally putting all of her weight on Irvine's foot as she did so.

"Yow!" Irvine flailed in pain, knocking the drink out of Selphie's hand and directly onto Orinda's blouse.

Orinda gasped and cursed, and dabbed at the wet spot with a napkin.

"Oh my gosh, I am so, so sorry," Selphie said. "Here, let me help!"

"Get away from me, lady!" said Orinda. "You caused this."

"And that's why I need to make it right. Come on, let's get upstairs and find a housekeeper. She might be able to get that out before it leaves a stain."

Despite Orinda's protests, Selphie grabbed her arm and led her upstairs. She waved Quistis over, and the three women walked into the laundry room. Before Orinda could begin unbuttoning her blouse, Quistis spun her around, pinned her against the door, and pulled both of her hands behind her back. Orinda screamed as Quistis secured the cuffs and contacted Squall, and she screamed louder and began kicking as Quistis and Selphie escorted her out of the hotel.

"Thank you, Selphie," said Quistis, once Orinda had been taken away. "I was beginning to worry we might need to take more drastic measures. Irvine sure let us down."

"Aw, you're welcome. And try not to think too badly of Irvy. He really isn't the ladies' man that he thinks he is. But he is a bit of a lightweight." She shrugged. "And subterfuge really isn't his thing. He's a sniper, remember? A 'lone wolf.'"

Quistis snickered. Selphie joined her and called Feena over, and the SeeDs headed back into the hotel to retrieve Irvine from the bar.

* * *

"Thanks for buying me lunch, Sefie," Irvine said. They sat in the cafeteria, a few days after the mission in Deling City. "I still don't know how I managed to spend all my stipend so soon."

"Hmm. That  _is_ strange." Selphie chewed her food and fought a grin. After they'd arrested Orinda, Selphie had found Irvine passed out at the bar. He'd had quite a few drinks, and Selphie had used his payment card to cover the expenses. "Maybe you should keep better records."

"Yeah. Hey, listen, I'm really sorry for what happened in Deling. Everyone is so mad at me. Squall won't talk to me, Quisty only laughs at me, and Xu threatened to rip my liver out. You're not mad at me, too, are you?"

"Irvy, do I look mad? No, I understand. You're not a SeeD, and yet you were thrust into a situation that you had no idea how to handle. This one's on Xu, for actually believing you were good at picking up women."

"I  _am_ good! That Orinda gal was somethin' else, though." Irvine took a bite of his lunch. "You don't think Xu would give me another chance at something like that, do you? I mean, I'm sure I'll get better at it with practice."

"Nope. But if something like that comes up again, I might convince her to switch our roles."

"Huh?"

"Next time, I'm seducing the target, and you can defuse the bomb. On your own."

"But I don't know how to defuse a bomb!"

Selphie laughed and collected her lunch tray. "I know, Irvy. I know."

\- END -

**Author's Note:**

> I'd like to thank SilentStarlightSky for the prompt that inspired this story, and for helping me brainstorm a title for it! :)


End file.
